


hey Jude,

by neekasc



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Bullying, Drug Abuse, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Family Issues, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Minor Character Death, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 13:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16096745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neekasc/pseuds/neekasc
Summary: Oliver is like a big brother to Jude, his younger cousin and practically best friend. They were raised together, but after Oliver moves away to college, Jude has to face the bipolar wrath of her mother on her own. How long can Jude last on her own before Oliver has to intervene.





	1. Logan's House / Oliver

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to my Wattpad but I'd rather have it here. It's undecided if I'm going to finish this but I do have a plan for where I want the story to go (I'm also open to suggestions).

            Oliver hears the distant buzz of his phone of the nightstand next to where he was laying on his bed. Sighing as he rolls over to check what it was, he was immediately disappointed by the failed attempt at getting a good night sleep.

            _We’re meeting at Logan’s in ten. Be there._

            One of his best friends, Ben, texted him. Fucking Logan’s house, it’s more like a shack. Anything goes when you just need a place to sell shit out of. He sold it all, too. Everything from pot to coke, he had it all. Oliver hates that house, but it’s the only place he can get his shit without getting caught, so it’s a give and take. It’s not like he’s even that close with Logan. They barely went to high school together; the only time they ever see each other is if Logan’s selling or times like these, when his friends want to chill there. The only good thing that comes out of this is free beer and slightly cheaper weed. It’s almost not worth it.

            He flings himself out of the bed, throws some possibly clean shorts on and heads out. It’s only a five-minute drive from his house to Logan’s, so he probably could’ve walked if it wasn’t so cold out.

            He pulls into the driveway to see Ben, Logan and a few other guys standing around with beers, smoking.

            “Oli!” Ben yells as he exits his car. He’s definitely already drunk. Oliver makes his way over to the group of guys accepting a beer from someone who looks familiar but he’s not quite sure of his name.

            “Thanks,” he says to the guy, cracking it open as he grabs a cigarette from the pack on the table. “What’s up?” This is directed at Ben.

            “Freezing my ass off out here,” he looks over at Logan. “Maybe if someone would let us smoke in the house we wouldn’t be so miserable out here.”

            “Sorry bro, unless you all want to cram in the bathroom, we stay out here,” Logan replied very matter-of-factly. There was a bit of unspoken agreement between the group. No one really wanted to be in that small of a space, hot boxing cig smoke and B.O. They all stand in silence for the rest of the time it takes them to finish their cigarettes and head inside one by one.

            Oliver is one of the last to go in, walking in on a conversation about Logan’s newest score. He does that a lot. He probably has more STDs than anyone in the town. He uses girls once and forgets them forever. More than a few have been knocked up, rumor has it that he even has two kids already.

            “…and she was trying to get like, five g’s for twenty bucks or something like that and I told her ‘fuck no, my shits good’. She just kept begging for me to let her have it… saying something about how ‘they’ were gonna kill her if she didn’t get this much and how she didn’t have any more money,” Logan was slurring most of his words. His arms were flying around with every word. “I almost felt sorry for her, so I was like ‘hey if you want to stay around for a while I’ll see what I can do’. You know because I’m a nice guy like that, I got her a drink and took her to the couch where some of my guys from Northside were hanging out. She seemed pretty chill with drinking and stuff so I gave her more and more, right?” This is going downhill so fast. This poor girl, hopefully she’ll get tested. “The guys started to leave and she was getting pretty drunk or tired or something, so I offered her a place to sleep,” Jesus Christ. “Yeah, I don’t think she really heard me though so I just picked her up and brought her to my room. And you know how I am about my sheets, so I told her she needed to take off her dirty clothes but she just kept trying to get under the covers with her pants, so I dragged her to the end of the bed and took her pants off for her,” Why is he telling this story like he has something to be proud of. Ten bucks says he raped her. “Man, she had the hottest thong on, too. It’s almost like she knew she’d be staying with me!” He throws his arms up and laughs, “She was mumbling about how she was cold, so naturally I got in the bed with her and damn she was all over me! It was great! Totally think it was her first time, too so I probably set the bar a little too high for anyone else!”

            “Damn dude, can’t believe you snagged a virgin,” one of the other guys starts, he’s obviously impressed, “Who even was she?” Great, yet another girl Oliver will have to watch out for. Don’t want to share any STDs with that guy.

            “Not really sure, she said she was like a freshman or something at that high school thirty minutes south of here, you know the one?” It was the high school both Logan and Oliver went to years ago, except only one of them actually finished. “She was so hot though like damn her blond hair was crazy long and she had huge tits for a freshman! Couldn’t really tell with her fucking oversized Beastie Boys shirt but creds to her for having good taste in music,” The more he talked about her, the more familiar she sounded to Oliver. There was only one girl he knew who was a Freshman at the school with long blond hair and an oversized Beastie Boys shirt. He bought his younger cousin Jude a super dope oversized Beastie Boys t-shirt when they went shopping the summer before her freshman year started. He wanted to get her something cool as a good luck charm for high school.

            “What was her name?” Oliver questioned. He probably sounded very on edge, but considering the circumstances he was probably in the right. Jude had never been the one to get in much trouble at all. As far as he knew she didn’t drink or smoke pot so what would she even be doing here in the first place.

            “Man, I don’t even know. Shit started with a J, maybe like Jade or something,” Logan was so drunk now he couldn’t even see straight. But he really fucked up, like really fucked up. If there was one person Oliver cared about in this world it was her. They were inseparable. He had always been like a big brother to her. Just the thought of Logan doing something like that to her made him fucking sick.

            Oliver got up out of his chair and headed right for where Logan was sitting on the couch. He pulled him up off the couch and immediately threw him down on the floor. He grabbed the collar on Logan’s shirt pulled him up maybe a foot off the ground and said, “If you ever touch her again, you’re fucking dead,” and slammed him back into the ground, walking fast towards the door. Grabbing the full pack of cigarettes on his way out.


	2. talking is hard / both

Oliver took a deep breath as he sat in the driver’s seat of his car. It was so cold in there but he was so mad he couldn’t even feel it. He pulled out his phone to check the time. _11:37._ She’d probably still be awake, right? Was she even at home? It was a school night so she should be home. He unlocked his phone and went directly to their messages.

 _Are you awake? Where are you?_ He sent the text before he could even think of a better way of saying that. Without waiting for a reply, he ripped out of Logan’s driveway and headed in the direction of her house. He was such a sick fuck. A twenty-something year old taking advantage of a freshman in high school. Fucking disgusting.

It was a very quiet twenty-minute drive to get there and by the time he was in her driveway he had completely forgotten about her text, if she even did text back. Cursing himself, he pulled out his phone revealing a message from fifteen minutes ago saying: _Yeah, I’m home… what’s up?_

Fuck. How was he supposed to even talk to her? It’s Thursday night and pretty much midnight.

 _Meet me outside asap. Need to talk._ He sent it. He felt so impatient waiting for her to come outside. Hopefully his aunt won’t mind her leaving, if so he’d just have to cover for her later. A short two minutes later, the side door opens and Jude steps out, wearing dark sweat pants and a pastel tie dye sweatshirt, her hair pulled up into a neat ponytail with little bangs hanging off the sides of her forehead.  She walks up to the passenger side of the car and waits for Oliver to roll the window down.

“What the hell are you doing out here?!” She was probably more confused than anything, considering Oliver lived almost forty minutes away and it was midnight.

“Get in,” He said bluntly. “We need to talk.” She now looked concerned and a bit scared, like she already knew what this was about. But there was no way Oliver could know about what happened with her and Logan, right? No one saw her and him and Logan weren’t friends either so what’s this all about? Slowly, she got in the car and put on her seatbelt, turning slightly toward the middle console as Oliver began driving away from her house. She was quick to spot the cigarettes lying in the cup holder next to the gear shift.

“What the hell are those?” she pointed towards the cigs.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Oliver was quick to brush it off. He just wanted to get down to the bottom of what happened with her and Logan, he couldn’t care less about his bad habits right now.

“Are you smoking now?” she said it like it was supposed to happen or something. Like she expected him to do something so shitty.

“Are you?” He snapped back. He was getting impatient now. He just found out she was trying to buy pot off his dealer, who knew all the other shit she might be getting up to. She got quiet and turned to look out the window. A few seconds passed. “Sorry…”

“It’s fine I guess,” she turned to reach for the temperature and turned to max warmth. He hadn’t really noticed how cold it had gotten until she turned up the heat. In fact, he was freezing. “Do you have a lighter?” He looked at her for a second before looking back at the road and reaching for the glovebox, pulling out a black and red Bic lighter and handing it to her. She took it quickly and pulled out a cig, rolling the window down slightly before taking a long drag.

“Do you know Logan Webber?” He spoke fast. She froze, looking straight ahead, nearly dropping her cigarette in her lap. She nodded shakily, taking another inhale. “How?” He persisted.

            She shrugged her shoulders, looking out the window. Trying so hard not to make eye contact.

            “It’s really important that you tell me how you know him,” He was trying to speak calmly, trying not to freak her out, but it was really fucking difficult. Especially when she was sitting there smoking a fucking cigarette in his car. Nevertheless, she stayed quiet, continuing to look out the window, trying not to smoke too fast.

            “Since when do you smoke?” Goddamn he had so many questions, she felt like she was being interrogated.

            “A few weeks ago,” she muttered with her head down, throwing the butt out the window before rolling it back up.

            “Why?”

            “Why do you have so many fucking questions tonight,” she sighs, “If I knew you were going to interrogate me I would’ve stayed inside.”

            “I know what happened with Logan,” He stopped the car on the side of the road. They were in the middle of nowhere so the only light was from a small street lamp a few yards away. He turned to look at her, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “What did he tell you?” she was shaking now. Her voice wavered. “What did he fucking tell you?!” She was louder now.

            “He told me you came to his place looking to buy some weed off him, but you didn’t have enough money so you had sex to spot the rest,” he started, “But that’s not the whole story, is it?” She looked back down at her hands in her lap, picking at the skin on her fingers. She wanted to say ‘I don’t know’ but the words were caught in her throat. She shook her head instead and looked up at Oliver. Her eyes were watering, on the verge of crying.

            “Do you want to talk about it?” his voice softened as he spoke, trying not to upset her more. She shook her head again, wiping a tear off her cheek.

            “Can you take me home,” she whispered, but it was more like a request than a question. Oliver nodded as he pulled back onto the road and made a wide U-turn, heading back toward her house.

            The ride home was completely silent except for the occasional sniffle coming from the passenger side. As Oliver pulled into her driveway, he asked her if she was okay.

            “I’m fine,” she said, pulling a small smile, even though she was still lightly crying. “I’ll be fine.”

            “You know you can talk to me, right?” she was getting out of the car now, looking back before mumbling a ‘sure’ under her breath. Oliver gave a slight reassuring nod of approval before picking up the pack of cigarettes and reaching out towards her. “You can keep them if you want.”

            She grabbed them out of his hand before stuttering a ‘thanks’ and shut the car door semi-quietly and heading back towards her house. Goddamn, what happened to her?


	3. confused / jude

            Sneaking back into her house wasn’t a difficult task, it was resisting the urge to breakdown as soon as she stepped through the door that Jude was having trouble with. She just has to make it to her room downstairs. _Breath, you’re almost there…_ She thought to herself. She could do it. She could do it.

            The bedroom door creaks as it shuts behind her. A large, shaky sigh escapes her lips as she slides down her door, landing sharply on the old carpet. She brings her knees to her chest and weeps as quietly as possible. Her shoulders shake as images of Logan and the house flash in her mind. Broken pieces of what she thinks she remembers come to mind as well but she’s not sure what’s real and what’s not. She can barely remember anything after entering his house except for taking the drink from him and his room. His overly neat room, unrecognizable compared to the rest of the house. A scene of him taking her pants off plays over and over again in her head. Is that even real? All she knows for certain is she was at his house, they had sex, and she woke up on a park bench almost five miles away from his house.

            She doesn’t even know how long she sat there crying for. Minutes, hours? It’s hard to tell with her head throbbing the way it is. Pulling herself up, she stumbles toward the bathroom just off her room. The light pierces her eyes as she flips the switch, walking straight for the small window in the corner of the room and opening it fully. The gust of cold air is almost refreshing against her skin.

            Setting herself on the counter, she takes the cigarettes out of her pocket, rips one out and searches for her lighter in the drawer just beneath her legs. Fumbling around, she feels her old razor, still stained with blood from the last time. Her fingers trace the blade, remembering the feeling. She takes out both the blade and the lighter before lighting up, taking her pants off and starting the shower. The cig hangs loosely out of her mouth as she holds the blade against her thigh, still working up the courage to push hard enough to break the skin.

A few seconds go by and some ashes fall on her leg before she finally sees specks of red running down her leg. The satisfaction of watching the blood flow from the end of the blade all the way down before dripping to the ground is the most relieving thing in the world right now. It feels so good she just can’t stop. Before she knows it, her cigarette is done and she’s lighting a second, not thinking about Logan or his room or the deal. Not thinking about the weed and the girls who sent her to buy from him. She was too focused on the blood and the blade and the smoke filling her lungs. She was high off the pain and nicotine but still numb to everything around her.

By the time she finished her second cig, her entire leg was red, searing with pain. In a psychotic way, she liked it. A lot. Counting up all the open wounds, she had roughly twenty-four cuts. 'Roughly' meaning some weren’t deep enough to consider cuts, to her at least. Some were definitely too deep, she probably needed stitches for at least one, but she didn’t care. She stripped down and stepped into the shower, turning the water to maximum heat. Her thigh was on fire, but she could barely feel it. It could have undoubtedly been the worst pain she had ever felt in her life, but nothing hurt worse than what was in her head. She tried not to think so much but nothing ever worked. Nothing except this. And it felt pretty fucking good not to feel all that mental shit.

She used a red towel to dry off and wipe the floor where her blood had spilt. Thank god for red towels. She put on a pair of loose fitting yoga pants and a tank top before heading towards her bed and checking the time. 2 _:58. Shit._ Tomorrow morning is really going to fucking suck.


	4. the morning after / jude

            There’s a buzzing sound coming from the opposite end of the room. Jude really doesn’t want to open her eyes. Not now, not ever. She does it anyway, knowing if she doesn’t get up soon her mom will come downstairs to check on her, if she hasn’t already, and Jude doesn’t want to risk her smelling any leftover smoke from the night before.

The small rays of light coming from the rectangular window above her desk are enough to give her an instant headache. _Shit._ She falls out of the bed, trying her best not to trip over herself as she shuffles toward the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the light. Making her way to the medicine cabinet.

Her medicine cabinet is always full now. There used to be a time when she asked to get rid of the cabinet because it was bulky and never had anything in it. But now, she doesn’t know what she would do without it. Three equally spaced out shelves full of pills. It was like heaven. The first thing she reaches for is the ibuprofen. Next, the Adderall. Four of each should be fine. She grabs one CBD as well, just for effect. Maybe it’ll fucking work today. She throws all the pills to the back of her throat before bending over and drinking out of the faucet, swallowing them all in one gulp.

            When changing her clothes, she chooses the softest pair of jeans she owns, putting a thin layer of gauze over her maroon colored cuts. It hurts to even walk, let alone change clothes. Her throat burns from the leftover nicotine taste that she keeps coughing up. She brushes her teeth hard, anxious to get the taste to go away. But it doesn’t. It feels like it never will.

            She drags herself up the stairs and into the kitchen, her mom greeting her with a plastic smile.

            “Morning Hun,” She takes a drink from her overly large coffee mug, no doubt filled with spiked coffee. “Want some breakfast?”

            “Nah I’m gonna grab some food with the girls, thanks though,” Jude reached in the fridge and grabbed a Diet Coke.

            “Alright Hun, have a good day,” she looked back down at her computer, not bothering to say anything more. Jude walked out the door, grabbing her earbuds off the counter.

            Jude walked to school every day. Her mom didn't know, but that’s just what she did. It was a ten-minute walk on the side of the road, five through the woods. Since it was winter, she felt safe taking the woods instead. No bugs or thick brush, it was almost perfect. It was probably her favorite part of the day. Sometimes she wishes she could just walk the woods all day, especially when she’s at school.

            She enters the school through the side doors, making sure no one sees her. She had to stop using the front doors after her night with Logan. Those girls were just brutal to her. They were the ones who sent her to him. They were the ones who told her what to say. They asked her to use her money. Those girls were terrible to her before, but now it was almost unbearable.

            Picking up the pace, Jude finds her bench in a little nook between the staircase and janitors closet on the second floor. Sometimes janitors walk by her, they don’t ever ask why she’s sitting in one of the most secluded areas in the whole school, they just give small smiles and continue on with their days. It’s nice like that. It’s how she likes it. No one talks to her, no one looks at her. Just like the way it’s supposed to be.

            She’s able to make it all the way to lunch without running into any of the girls yet. So far, it’s a good day but it’s also highly unlikely she’ll make it all the way through lunch without seeing at least one of them. She has to go through the lunch line, it’s mandatory unless you visibly bring lunch from home. It’s also a huge waste of money, for Jude at least. Most of the time she just ends up puking whatever she eats into the disgusting school toilets, if she even eats.

            Like every day, she gets the cheapest item the school sells. A red and white checkered food boat filled with French fries. Possibly the worst thing she could put in her body. Not to mention, a bitch to throw up. Making her way to the cashier she looks around the cafeteria for the girls. Normally they sit in a pretty big group including them, the jocks, cheerleaders, and whoever else likes to classify as an asshole. They take up a whole table for fuck sake.

            She spots the table immediately, and the girls are right on the end next to the only aisle. Of course, they would choose to sit right fucking there. She begins walking, trying not to walk too fast because that might look weird and she doesn’t want to look any weirder than she already does.

“Hey, you should, like, totally join us… I brought pizza,” This was one of the newer girls, Amber maybe? It’s hard to tell if she was being nice or sarcastic. Jude stutters, not able to say anything before another girl starts talking.

“You shouldn’t even bother with her,” Riley snorts, “She’s just gonna throw it up anyway.”

“Fucking disgusting,” another girl mutters.

Jude doesn’t know what to say, the conversation happened so fast, so she keeps walking, trying to pick up her pace. As she passes the table Riley sticks her elbow out, hitting Jude right in the thigh. Hard. A small yelp escapes her throat and she almost drops her bottle of Diet Coke and fries. She looks at Riley and back down at her thigh when she sees a small speck of red seeping through her light jeans. Panicking, she almost runs to the bathroom, trying not to cause a scene.

She busts into the girls’ bathroom and heads straight for the handicap stall, dropping her bag and Diet Coke on the ground and throwing away her fries. She pulls down her pants before any more blood gets on them. Shit. The blood has gone right through the gauze. She should’ve packed more. Instead, with shaky hands, she just rips off several pieces of toilet paper and dabs at the reopened wounds, trying to get them to stop bleeding. She shouldn’t have come to school today.

Throwing the bloody toilet paper into the toilet and flushing it she wraps her thigh with new toilet paper when she hears the door open. She stops cold. This looks weird, what if someone sees? Did the girls see the blood? Oh no oh no oh no. Maybe someone just needs to go to the bathroom it’s fine, everything’s fine.

“J-Jude?” Nononono. It sounds like the newer girl, possibly Amber. What is she going to do? Her pants are around her knees and she’s wrapping toilet paper around her thigh. What the fuck should she do? “Jude, I know you’re in here.” Fuck.

“What do you want?” She asks from behind the stall door. Tying the toilet paper down the best she can and pulling her pants up. There’s still a little blood on her jeans but she’s just going to hope no one sees that.

“Are you okay?” Is this a fucking joke? One of the girls is asking if she’s okay. Really?

“Fine.” Jude’s response was blunt. And very obviously a lie considering she was still shaking quite a bit so you could probably hear it in her voice.

“Could you maybe, um, come out of the stall, or something,” This must be a trap. “Please?” Jude hesitates for a hot second. There’s no way this could be anything but terrible. But, at this point, what does she even have to lose. She twists the knob of the stall door, cracking it slightly to reveal that it’s only Amber outside. She grabs her bag and Diet Coke before fully stepping out.

“Do you need something?” Jude probably sounds a bit short, but could you blame her.

“I brought some pizza,” she looked at Jude’s thigh, then back up locking eyes with her, “I didn’t know if you wanted some or not…”

“I’m not hungry,” Jude doesn’t move from her spot right in front of the stall door. “T-Thanks, though.” She tries being a little nice, considering Amber seems like she’s trying to be nice, too.

“Are you sure because I have plenty…” she trails off, her eyes finding her way back to Jude’s thigh, “Did something happen?” Her eyes are concerned.

“Nothing,” she spoke quick, probably too quick. “Nothing happened… Sorry.”

“No, you’re fine, no need to apologize!” she gave an awkward laugh, throwing her hand to the back of her neck, anxiously. “I’m sorry about Riley. I-I heard from the other girls about how she-how they- treat you. It’s really shitty.”

Jude nods, “Yeah...” There’s nothing really for her to say.

“Do you maybe want to hang out sometime?” Her hand was still rubbing the back of her neck, “I’m not doing anything if you want to come over after school or something?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, why not?” she gives another small laugh.

“Okay?” there was a break in her voice, “Sure. Yeah. That sounds fun.”

“Cool, great!” she throws both her hands down to her sides and rocks back and forth on her heels, “Meet me in the parking lot after last bell!”

“Okay… see you then,” Jude watches Amber smile as she walks out of the bathroom saying bye. Suddenly it feels like she can stop holding her breath.


	5. his thoughts / oliver

            Friday morning came way too quickly for Oliver. He barely slept at all last night, he was so worried about Jude.

He got a million texts from Ben after he left.

            _Dude wtf_

_Where are you?_

            ‘Two missed calls from _Benny_ ’

_Bro answer me_

_What was that about_

_Do you know that girl or something?_

‘Three missed calls from _Benny_ ’

            ‘One missed FaceTime from _Benny_ ’

            _Why aren’t you at home_

_Where are you dude_

_Answer me asshole_

_Open the door I see your car out front!!_

_The fuck is wrong with you dude_

_Whatever fuck you_

            Oliver didn’t reply to a single one because he knew he was probably still with Logan and all the other guys. He didn’t really want to talk to anyone either, especially anyone who praised Logan for his pedophilic tendencies. Jude was barely fifteen. She’s a child. He’s twenty-one and an adult. Not to mention he’s also a drug dealer. Why was she even around him?

            Oliver couldn’t decide if he was more mad or concerned about the fact she was even at his house to begin with. He tried to think of everything Logan said but his mind was all over the place. He couldn’t focus on anything right in front of him let alone try to analyze something that happened hours ago. This was a fucking mess. Thank god he doesn’t take any morning classes on Friday.

            He spent the whole night pacing back and forth in the living room of his apartment; occasionally trying to sit on the couch and watch some TV but giving up and going to the bathroom to smoke some pot. His head was constantly pounding, even after he would take a hit. Why did he even care so much about this? He was doing the same things at her age. But look at him now. A junior in college with no plan for a major, working at the library below his apartment for barely minimum wage. He would just drop out of college if it wasn’t for his mom.

            His fucking mom and her fucking bad decisions and empty words. She got knocked up at seventeen which is why Oliver is here. She barely finished high school so college was automatically off the table. The only person that would help her out after she got pregnant was Aunt Caroline. Aunt Caroline always made sure Oliver never went to bed hungry, or even had a bed at all, when he was little. She tried her best to keep his mom on track but she had always been one for finding trouble.

His mom could never hold a job. They were in and out of houses and apartments but Aunt Caroline always made sure they stayed close to home just in case something happened. Good thing, too, because when Oliver was just turning sixteen, his mom didn’t come home for a few days. This wasn’t unusual, so, like every other time, he just went to Aunt Caroline’s house and stayed in the spare room (which was practically his room by that time).

After a week went by with no texts or calls from his mom, they called the police and filed a missing person’s report. She was never gone for more than four days, so when the seventh day rolled around they were pretty high-strung. Eventually, an ‘anonymous tip’ led them to an abandoned warehouse, an hour out from town. It was filled with old clothes and blankets, a few tents, and a lot of crackheads. They found her in a tent towards the back, with a needle in her arm, completely cold. She promised her sister, Aunt Caroline, that she stopped; that she wasn’t shooting up anymore. That she was done with heroine.

She lied, like she always did. She lied to her sister, her son and herself and now she’s dead. All because she can’t control herself. What happened was her fault and he didn’t want to be like her. He didn’t want to end up dead in a fucking crack house. But it was so tempting to do that exact same thing that she did, especially after everything she put him through. If he didn’t have his Aunt Caroline and Jude, he would’ve been gone instantly. He’s just lucky he had them to keep him on his feet.

He doesn’t want to end up like her and he doesn’t want Jude to end up like her either. With everything that he has heard and seen the last six hours, she’s definitely heading that way. He can’t let that happen, for his sake and Aunt Caroline’s. He wasn’t going to let her lose two people close to her to the same things. He just wasn’t.

But what had happened to Jude? She had always been a good kid. She never got in trouble in middle school, she always had decent grades and, as far as Oliver knew, she had a few close friends. Why is she all of a sudden smoking and being around drug dealers and having sex? She’s only fifteen for fuck sake. He can’t let her throw away her life, especially that fast, like his mom or even him.  


	6. Amber's house / jude

Amber’s house is fucking huge. There’s five bedrooms, four bathrooms, two and a half stories; a country style house about twenty-minutes away from the school. Plus, there’s a ton of land surrounding it. Amber says that eventually her dad is planning on putting a pool or basketball court or something cool like that in the yard.

            As soon as you walk into the house it smells like warmth and cinnamon. It reminds Jude of her grandmother’s house. Just the thought of her grandmother brings her mood down but this house is so amazing and she was invited here by Amber so she doesn’t want to be a downer while she’s here. She needs to be nice and appreciative and not cause any scenes.

            Amber leads her through the living room right off the front door and into the kitchen where her mother stands by the counter, looking at recipes for peach cobbler on her computer.

            “Hey, mom,” Amber says before her mom even looks up, “This is Jude, she’s gonna hang out for a bit.” She didn’t even ask, though?

            “Alrighty girls, have fun,” She doesn’t look up from her computer, “Dinner’s at six.” Amber grabbed some cans of soda from the fridge, Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke. And with that they left the kitchen, Amber leading Jude up the stairs toward a yellow door.

            Her room was so soft and open. So opposite of Jude’s room. The walls were yellow, her door was yellow, the bed was yellow. It was so bright but so dull at the same time. It wasn’t an annoying neon kind of yellow, it was just nice. She had lots of whites and earthy greens and blues to balance out the yellow but it was still very dominant.

            Amber plopped down on the carpet and leaned against her bedframe, patting the floor across from her. Signaling to Jude that she can sit, too. And she did. Amber tossed the Diet Coke at her before opening her Dr. Pepper.   
            “I noticed you bring Diet Coke to school, like, every day, so…” She was being so nice; how could she even be friends with those other girls.

            “Thanks,” Jude said, tapping the top of the can before cracking it open. “It’s kinda my favorite.”

            She smiles, “Isn’t it supposed to be, like, addicting or something?” She laughs a little, taking a drink of hers. Addicting. Jude hates that word. It makes her think of her pills. Her cigarettes. Her blade.

            Jude looks down at the can in her lap, “Uh, yeah, I don’t really know…” Just then, the sound of paws hitting hard wood floor echo through the halls.   
            “Oh! That’s my dog!” Amber lights up, “Hey, George! Come here boy!” She shouts towards the door and the steps quicken as they get louder. Suddenly, a large white lab appears, wagging his tail wildly, going over to Amber. She reaches out her arms and scratches behind his ears, he gets very hyper.

            “He loves having his butt rubbed,” She laughs as he turns his body, putting his butt in her face. Jude lets out a little giggle. When George turns, he sees Jude, a person he’s never seen before, and gets even more excited. He quick steps towards her and tries to sniff her face before turning and putting his butt in her face, too.

            It would be a lot funnier if his wagging tail hadn’t knocked the pretty much full Diet Coke out of her hand and all over her jeans and the carpet.

            “George!” Amber yells. She’s getting up now and he sits almost immediately. “Out!” she points toward the door and he half runs out. But Jude’s jeans. Fuck. What is she going to do? It would be weird to ask for pants to wear. What if she gets blood on a pair of Amber’s pants?

            She stands up not knowing what to do and Amber grabs a towel from her closet and puts it on the carpet where the soda spilled.

            “Shit, dude, I’m sorry,” She’s now searching for another towel. “Do you maybe want to put something else on? I might have something that could fit you.” Oh yeah and Amber’s probably two sizes smaller than Jude so there’s no way she can fit into a pair of her jeans. This was just fucking great. She’s already searching drawers for something to give to her and Jude’s jeans were pretty much soaked now.

            “I’m fine, really, my jeans- they’re not that wet…” Jude tried to protest but was there even any option. Her jeans were practically dripping.

            “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m sure I can find something,” She was fully submerged in her closet now, it would be rude not to accept her offer. “Plus, your jeans are gonna be super sticky so we can just throw them in the wash with some of my clothes… no worries.” She makes her voice sound like she would be smiling. After maybe thirty more seconds, she pops up with a pair of athletic shorts. Key word: shorts. Fuck. She holds them out at Jude. Jude hesitates before reaching to grab them and muttering thanks.

            “There’s a bathroom at the end of the hall. It’s just straight ahead, can’t miss it,” she smiles at Jude and Jude tries her best to smile back. What the fuck will she do now?

            The bathroom is huge. There’s a medicine cabinet and a whole closet for towels and shit. The first thing Jude does is search for any kind of medical supplies or something she can cover her thigh with. She goes to the medicine cabinet first but the only thing in there in stuff for teeth. Next is the closet. There’s towels, towels and more towels. Where the fuck is the medical stuff in this house? The only shelf without towels is the topmost one, but she’s way too short for that. Goddamn, this couldn’t get any worse. And to think she was actually excited about this earlier.

            She slips off her wet pants and replaces them with the shorts. She checks the mirror to see if they go down far enough to at least hide it. Why she even had any hope in that is unknown. The shorts reveal some of the worst damage. It’s like she’s living in a nightmare. Her breath picks up and there’s a knock at the door.

            “Hey, Jude?” it’s Amber, “You good?”

            “Yes! Fine!” she pulls the shorts down just enough to hide the worst of it and goes to the door opening it, revealing Amber in the hall. She holds out the wet pants and Amber take them with a weird look on her face.

            “You can wait in my room while I go start this laundry,” She tries to look down at the shorts but Jude is already walking down the hall, towards her room.  


	7. emergency calls

            Oliver still hadn’t talked to Ben. In a way he felt bad, but not bad enough to return his calls. Apparently, this pissed Ben off because around three, Hanna showed up at his place, yelling about Ben calling her nonstop trying to get to him.

            “Hanna. Chill. Nothing happened,” He was just getting home from class when she showed up, “Honestly babe, don’t worry about it.”

            “Well maybe I wouldn’t worry so much if you would answer your phone so your friends aren’t on my ass all night!” God, she was in one of her moods again.

Oliver got up from the couch and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Me and Ben just had a little fight, that’s all… It’s honestly nothing, just ignore him,” He placed a quick kiss on her lips. “Now! Would you like a sandwich because I would love a sandwich?”

She giggles and kisses him back, “I would love if you made me a sandwich...”

“Wow you know you’re so much better at making sandwiches, right?” He was smiling like a kid now. “I mean, I’ll totally make the sandwiches, buuuuuut no promises they’ll be as good as yours.”

“Are you seriously gonna guilt me into making us sandwiches?” She pretends to be surprised.

“Well, when you say it like that…” he tilts his head to the side, “Pleeeaaasee?”

She stares at him for a moment with a blank expression on her face, “Fine! But only because my sandwiches are better and not because you’re lazy… Actually, I should make you make your own sandwich!”

Oliver gasps, “You wouldn’t!”

“Oh, I definitely would,” She crosses her arms.

“Okay how about this…” he puts his hand on his chin like he’s thinking, “You make the sandwiches and I’ll go get the pipe and we smoke AND eat your awesome sandwiches!”

“Deal,” He knew that would get her. She starts towards the kitchen and he goes to his room. He heads toward his closet and reaches for the second to last drawer of his dresser; pulling out the small red box from under his pile of shorts.

He brings the box to the bathroom, setting it on the counter and turning on the fan and the shower to the hottest setting. He opens the box, revealing a marble blue and green hand pipe, and eight grams of cleanly wrapped pot. Grabbing the pipe and pot, he takes only about two grams from his stash, grinding a little up with his fingers and placing into the bowl.

There’s a knock at the bathroom door before Hanna enters with a plate of two ham and turkey sandwiches with cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo, the works. She really was the best sandwich maker. It probably helps that she literally works at a café making sandwiches all day. Man, he loves her sandwiches. He loves her, too.

“Grab that towel,” he says to her, pointing to the shelf to the right of the door. She knows exactly what to do, it’s not like this is the first time they’ve hot boxed his bathroom. She takes the towel and wedges it in between the door and floor, making sure little to no smoke can go out.

Oliver grabs the lighter from the counter drawer and takes the first hit and she takes a bite out of her sandwich. He inhales, deeply, feeling all the smoke enter his lungs. He loves this. Pulling the pipe from his mouth he exhales, blowing the smoke toward the shower, making sure it follows the steam up the fan. He passes her the pipe and starts eating his sandwich, too.

Before he knows it, they’re both high. Laughing and eating Hanna’s amazing sandwiches. He’s not worried about Jude or Ben. He’s not mad at Logan. He’s just there, with Hanna, being alive.

 

 

At some point, they finished smoking and moved out to the couch in the living room. Man, they were both baked as fuck. It was perfect. He flipped on the TV, letting whatever channel play, not focusing on the moving picture. He had Hanna in his arms and she fit so perfectly there with him. She was so beautiful right now. He could kiss her forever and not even care about the rest of the world.

He started at her cheek, bringing her face up to his, working his way to her mouth. She let him move her and when he finally made it, it was her turn. She worked her way down his neck, repositioning herself in his lap. When she reached the collar of his shirt it was his turn again. He grabbed the bottom of her sweater, pulling it over her head and tracing her collarbones with his fingers before placing kisses across them. She let him take full control.

He flipped them over, putting his body onto of hers, working his way down her chest, her midsection, until he reached the top of her pants. She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him closer to her face and kissed him, hard. This time she flipped them over, and he let her. She was now the one pulling off his shirt and lacing his midsection with hickeys. She made it to the top of his pants, too. But she was one step ahead. She undid the button and was about to keep going when his phone rang.

This brought Oliver back to reality for a minute. Was it just Ben calling again? He normally never gets calls. What if it’s Jude? Maybe she’s in trouble again. Shit. He had to get to his phone. He was trying to sit up now, but Hanna had her hand on his chest, pushing him back down.

“Just leave it, babe,” She went up to kiss him again but he stopped her, pushing her off gently and getting up to find his still ringing phone. Shit, it’s been ringing for a while. It’ll probably hang up soon. What if it’s important?

He gets to his phone, on the kitchen counter, and it’s Jude. Oh god. He answers it right before it stops ringing. “…Jude?”

“H-hey, Oliver?” she was whispering. He could barely hear her. Oh god. Oh fuck. Something’s wrong. “I need a ride, could you, maybe, come get me, or something… please…”

“Where are you?” He probably sounded more panicked than he should’ve, especially for her sake. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I’m at this girl, Amber’s, house… I-I’ll text you the address,” She hung up before he could say anything else to her. Why did she hang up? What the fuck happened?

Less than a minute later he got a text from her sending the address. He was putting his shirt and shoes on and grabbing his keys to leave when he remembered Hanna.

“The fuck are you doing, Oli?” She sounded very pissed. She was still on the couch, half naked.

“Sorry, uh, Jude… she needs me…I- uh- gotta go,” He walked over to where she was on the couch and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”

He left before she could ever think of anything else to stay.

 

 

 

The car ride there was exceptionally nerve racking. All he could think about was what he heard about her and Logan and something like that happening again. Maybe she’s getting mixed in with the wrong crowd. Who is this Amber girl that she mentioned? Why was she at her house? He had never heard her talk about an Amber before. Was she a new friend? Probably not considering he was having to go get Jude from her house at six on a Friday night.

Oliver’s head was all over the place. He was probably stressing himself out but he can’t help it. His high was wearing off a while ago so it’s definitely gone now but he really could use it in times like these. He really wishes he kept those cigarettes he gave to Jude last night.


	8. experimenting and flashbacks / jude

            Finding a way to sit that covers her leg was a fucking nightmare. Jude felt totally exposed. She tried crossing her legs, laying on her stomach, keeping her hand on her thigh. It was all so awkward. Eventually, she pulls her legs to her chest, always keeping her right leg up.

            Amber walks back into the room, looking very apologetic, “I’m so sorry about George… He’s kind of an idiot,” She gives a very breathy laugh, putting her hand on the back of her neck. “Your jeans are in the washer, though. Should be done pretty soon I think.”

            This was awkward. Jude didn’t really know what to say. Her mind was too nervous now. She was so worried someone might see her leg. What would anyone do if they saw? What would they even think? She tries to shake the thoughts so she could reply but Amber beats her to it.

            “You wanna watch a movie?” She’s moving towards her bed now, sitting on top of the comforter, grabbing the blanket at the foot of the bed and the remote off the nightstand.

            “Y-sure,” Jude gets up as slowly as possible, pulling the shorts down as far as possible, and keeping her hand close enough to block the cuts. She hopes to every nonexistent god Amber can’t see. As soon as she gets on the bed, she pulls the blanket over her legs, even though it’s hot as fuck in her room.

            “So…” Amber turns on the TV, clicking on the Netflix icon. “What kind of movies do you like?”

            “I don’t really know… I don’t really watch movies,” Jude normally reads books, her mom always said movies were overrated and for people that were too absent minded to focus on literature.  

            “What?!” Amber practically hops up on her knees, looking directly at Jude. “How could you not watch movies?!”

            “I-I don’t know, I guess I just never got around to it?” Jude didn’t really know how to respond. She always thought books were better anyways.

            “What the hell do you do in your free time?!” Why was this so surprising to Amber? It’s like she’s never heard of living life without a screen in your face all the time. It’s almost pathetic.

            Jude wanted to respond with ‘drugs’ or ‘crying uncontrollably’ as a joke but she didn’t think their relationship was quite there yet. “I read a lot.”

            “Oh well… what do you read?” She sits back down, picking up the remote and clicking through the categories section.

            “Young Adult, fiction, horror… you know, average teen stuff I guess,”

            “What’s your favorite?”

            “Favorite book?” Jude always had trouble choosing her favorite anything, let alone book.

            “Yeah…” Amber let out a little laugh.

            “I really like All the Bright Places,” Jude was a bit quieter, “but you probably don’t know what that is… It’s a good book though.”

            “I think Riley really likes that book,” yeah because Jude recommended it to her. “It sounds super familiar.”

            “Yeah, I guess,” Jude gives a small smile. It gets really quiet. Like always, Jude doesn’t know what to say.

            “So, there’s this movie that I’ve been wanting to watch for a while,” Amber breaks the silence. “It’s called Lovelace. My friend Sam from my old school told me to watch it.” Her hand returned to the back of her neck.

            “We can watch it if you want,” This is so fucking awkward, Jude should’ve just gone home. “I’m not picky.”

            “Okay,” She smiles, grabbing the remote. “Yeah, cool.” Jude smiles back and she starts the movie. If Jude would’ve known what the movie was about, she would’ve suggested something else.

 

 

            Halfway through the movie, Jude’s stomach was churning. The worst part of it was how Amber kept getting closer and closer to Jude. It probably didn’t help that the movie was primarily based on sex.

            At one point Amber was so close to Jude she was almost touching her cuts. It was terrifying. Jude didn’t want to move and be rude but could she risk Amber seeing her cuts. Her mind was racing, she was no longer focused on the movie, just the small space between their shoulders and their legs. They were so close. Amber was older than her, too. She was a junior. Jude was only a freshman.

            She felt a few soft fingers inch their way onto the side of her leg, getting closer and closer to the wounds. No. No, she can’t. Amber turns her head to look at Jude, her body following suit. She removed her hand, slowly putting her leg over Jude’s. Jude’s breath was picking up, her mind was starting to bring her back to her night with Logan. Bits and pieces of memories that she’s never seen before flashing before her eyes.

She felt it. She felt Logan. She was no longer at Amber’s house. She was no longer in Amber’s bed. She felt trapped. She had to get out of here. Where was her phone? Who could she call? How can she leave without making things weird? Amber put her hand on Jude’s. Jude flinched, remembering how Logan’s hands held her down. Nononono. Not again. She can’t be there again.

“Have you ever done this before?” Amber was whispering, her voice deeper than normal. Jude could hear him. It was like he was right next to her. Amber’s face was getting closer to Jude’s. Jude tried to back up but she’s already against the wall. She’s trapped here. She can’t leave.

Amber raises herself higher onto Jude lap, practically straddling her legs. But when she goes to lower herself to rest on her thigh, she sits directly on Jude’s cuts. Jude yelps and jumps a bit, causing Amber to move away, the blanket moving with her.

“What the fuck is that?!” Amber is staring Jude’s thigh. Jude tries to open her mouth to respond but nothing will come out. Amber looks horrified, or disgusted, Jude can’t really tell. Her fingers find her phone behind her on the bed and she leaves the room as fast as possible, making a beeline straight for the bathroom. Leaving a very confused Amber alone on her bed.

 

 

As soon as Jude shuts and locks the bathroom door, her breathing starts to pick up again. What the fuck just happened? She’s pacing around the bathroom now, trying to find things to calm her down but memories of Logan keep flooding back into her mind. The burning from her thigh was going completely unnoticed. She runs her hands through her hair. Her brain was still going a mile a minute, she hasn’t been able to calm down since she’s had these shorts on. Goddamn shorts. Goddamn Logan. Goddamn Amber.

How the fuck does she get out of this place? She can’t get home; her mom won’t drive all the way out here. Plus, who knows what would happen if she saw Jude’s cuts. That would be a shitshow. She wasn’t about to ask Amber for a ride. As far as Jude was concerned, she could go the rest of her life without talking to Amber again. Her head was spinning. It was making her stomach hurt. She could definitely throw up right now. God, she can’t breathe in this fucking house.

Jude picks up her phone and dials Oliver. It rings for a long time. Please, please pick up, Oliver. Jude was desperate to leave. It was nearing the last ring, she could feel her heart sink to her stomach.

“…Jude?” He seemed a bit out of breath. Weird.

“H-hey, Oliver?” she was trying to be as quiet as possible but at the same time she couldn’t hear herself. “I need a ride, could you, maybe, come get me, or something… please…”

“Where are you?” He was more alert now. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Why did he sound so worried?

“I’m at this girl, Amber’s, house… I-I’ll text you the address,” She heard footsteps coming from the other side of the door and hung up the phone immediately, opening up messages and sharing her location with Oliver. There was a knock at the door.

“Jude? What the fuck?” Amber almost sounded angry. It made Jude even more nervous. She didn’t know what to say. Should she open the door? All Jude wants to do is hide. She wishes she was home, in her bed, with her books and cigarettes and booze. But she’s still stuck here, with Amber, in this house. This house that’s too big and too nice and too clean. Her skin was itching from the underneath.

“Jude!” Amber said impatiently. They could hear her mom yell for dinner in the distance. Shit. She can’t go to dinner with Amber’s family, especially not like this.

“Y-yeah?” She was probably still whispering but she didn’t know.

“Opening the fucking door, Jude,” Amber was being short now. Jude hesitated, taking small steps toward the door before turning the lock and stepping back quickly, settling on the edge of the bathtub.

Amber bursts through the door, finding Jude and staring at her with cold eyes, “What the hell is wrong with your leg?”

“I—,” Jude was at a loss for words. What is she supposed to make up now? “It’s nothing.” She stares at the floor, trying her best not to look at Amber.

“Obviously it’s not nothing,” her voice was getting softer, like normal. She moves to sit down by Jude on the edge of the tub. Jude, still trying to avoid eye contact, puts her head in her hands, rubbing her eyes. Amber’s mom called again for dinner but both of them ignored it.

Amber finally took the hint that something must be wrong because now she was trying to comfort Jude, even going as far as rubbing her back. But as soon as she made contact, Jude winced. She couldn’t be touched right now, not even in a friendly way. It was too much. The feeling of someone else against her skin was too much for her.

“I called my cousin, O-Oliver,” she moved over to make sure she kept enough distance between them, “He should be here soon…” She still wasn’t looking at Amber.

“I could’ve given you a ride home…” she was doing the neck thing again. Shit. Now Jude made her feel bad. Goddammit, she could never do anything right.

“No… it’s okay, really, I-I can’t go home anyway so…” This was fucking awkward.

            “Oh…” Now they were both staring at their feet. A few seconds went by before either one of them said anything, but it felt like forever until Amber spoke.

“I-I’m sorry for… um…” she waved her hands a bit, unable to find the words to explain what happened in her room. Jude understood. She gave a small nod. “Yeah… I guess- I don’t know… I thought you swung that way…” She laughed a little. Her hand on her neck yet again. 

“Oh! Um, wow… yeah,” This made Jude’s eyes go wide. Do people think she’s gay, too? “I h-haven’t really… I mean… I don’t really…”

“No, it’s okay… I shouldn’t’ve assumed,” She was trying to act a little more chill, maybe lighten the mood. “My bad though… I really am sorry.”

“Do people think I’m––?” Jude didn’t really know what people thought of her. She didn’t think she was gay. Was there something she was missing?

“Well, I mean, not necessarily, just, Riley mentioned something once… Just in passing though. I don’t think anyone thought anything of it…”

Jude snorted. Of course, Riley would say some shit like that. Jude didn’t think she was gay but even if she was, Riley had no place saying anything about it. Before Jude could say anything though, her phone buzzed, revealing a text from Oliver saying he’s about five minutes away. Finally.

Amber walked with Jude to the front porch, waiting with her to be picked up. They stood there in silence, watching the driveway for his car.

“Oh! Your jeans!” Amber said looking at Jude’s legs. Jude had completely forgot about her jeans as well but she could see headlights on the road, getting closer to the house. “I can give them to you Monday?”

“Y-yeah I guess, that’s fine,” Jude looked down at her legs and pulled her shorts down enough to cover everything. Just the thought of being this exposed made her uncomfortable again. Shit, she was getting worked up now. Dammit. Oliver’s car was getting closer now.

“Hey, are we cool?” Amber looked at Jude, furrowing her brows.

“Yeah…” Jude was walking down the steps of the porch now, “We’re cool…” she gave Amber a small smile as she got into Oliver’s car.

 


	9. car rides and panic attacks / both

            As soon as Jude got in the car, Oliver started driving away. “Okay… So, what the fuck happened?”

            She was already reaching in her backpack for her cigarettes, grabbing one and lighting it, “Nothing really… You want one?”

            He nodded, reaching over and pulling one out of the pack, “If nothing happened, why did you call me making it sound like you were gonna die or something?” She just shrugged, inhaling probably a bit too much; tugging at her shorts, trying to keep them low enough.

            “And, why are you wearing shorts?” he gestured down, glancing at the shorts, “It’s fucking freezing out.”

            “I spilled some shit on my pants… Amber said she’d wash them for me,” Jude kept her hand over her thigh just in case. Oliver just stared at her for a second in response. They were both quiet now. What was Jude thinking? Was she honestly so naive to think he would drive all the way out here, no questions asked? Sometimes she really doesn’t use her head.

            “Do you want me to take you ho-,”

            “No,” she cut him off. She really didn’t want to go home. If she went home, she would just make herself feel worse. She was tired of feeling worse. For tonight, at least.

            “Okay… That’s fine,” he didn’t know where to take her now. He just assumed she would want to go home. He could take her to his place but him showing up to Hanna with another girl might be awkward. As far as he knew, Hanna and Jude didn’t know each other; but to be fair, he thought the same about her and Logan. Fuck it. “Do you want to go to my place?”

            Jude hesitated for a minute. Finally nodding her head and lighting another cig. Wow, does she always smoke this much? Oliver didn’t need or want another one, but she didn’t even bother asking.

 

-

 

It was a long thirty minutes of silence before Oliver decided he wanted to speak again. He had so many things he wanted to say, it was hard to choose from. He glanced at her for a second as they were driving through town, where there was more light, to make sure there was nothing physically wrong with her; he didn’t know Amber so who knows what could’ve happened. She had moved her hand from her thigh a while back so she could rest her head in her hand; so, when he looked at her, he saw her thigh fully exposed, full of deep red dashes. He flinched just looking at it, but he knew exactly what it was. He remembers seeing the exact same marks on his mom. Why the fuck would she do that to herself?

All his words were getting caught in his throat. What was he supposed to say to her now? He doesn’t want to pry too much, it might push her over the edge like it did his mom. But he can’t just be quiet about it. Should he confront her? Fuck. Jude isn’t his mom, she won’t yell and hit him if he asks questions. Maybe he should wait. Maybe she just needs to think things through before he starts asking her questions.

He decided to turn on the radio instead of talking. Music always made the atmosphere a bit lighter with his mom.

 

-

 

            When they arrived at his apartment, he noticed Jude pulling at her shorts to keep them over the cuts. God, it was almost pathetic. He was having trouble finding sympathy because of everything with his mom but he just has to remember that she isn’t his mom. Jude is not the same.

            Hanna must’ve left, because she was nowhere in the apartment. Shit. How was he going to explain this to her? Whatever, it can wait. He needs to help Jude.

            “You can sit on the couch, over there. There’s some books in the TV stand if you want to look at them,” He knows how much she prefers reading to watching TV. It was weird but Aunt Caroline was the same way. He headed to the kitchen and she walked over to the TV stand, making sure her shorts were low enough. “Ice cream? I have cookie dough, mint chocolate chip, and vanilla.”

            “Mint chocolate chip is good,” she was pulling Every Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone out of the TV stand. That was Hanna’s favorite book, she must’ve left it here at some point.

            He grabbed the cookie dough for him and met Jude on the couch, handing her the mint chocolate chip and a small spoon. He reached for the remote, making sure the volume was all the way down before turning on Bob’s Burgers with the subtitles.

            He watched two episodes before his mind started wondering back to Jude’s cuts and the phone call and everything he learned about Logan yesterday. Was it time to ask her yet? He glanced over at her and she’d barely eaten any of her ice cream. She was taking unusually small bites considering the size of the spoon he gave her. He knew she wasn’t big on eating but that’s just weird.

            He paused the episode and turned to look at her on the other side of the couch. “Are we going to talk about what happened?”

            She barely looks up from her book, shaking her head, “Wasn’t planning on it.”

            “I bet you weren’t planning on showing me your cuts either, right?” This caught her attention. She stopped just like she did when he mentioned Logan.

            “How the fuck do you know—,”

            “I’m not fucking blind, Jude!” he cut her off, “Now are you going to tell me what the hell has been going on with you or are you going to make me figure it out myself?!”

            She set her book on the coffee table, along with the ice cream. “It’s none of your fucking business!”

            “Obviously it is! Or else you wouldn’t be calling me to get you from a random girl’s house!” He was getting worked up. This is how it would start with his mom. “Or having sex with a fucking drug dealer!”

            Her face dropped instantly. Thoughts of Logan flooded her head. Amber trying to make a move on her must’ve triggered memories to resurface; and she was seeing them all again now. It was all right there. The room was turning. She was on his bed. She was on the bench. It was so cold. His hands were pressed against her, holding her down. She couldn’t move.

            Her vison was blurring and her breath was picking up. Her legs went numb and she felt Logan’s hands creep down her sides, slipping her pants off. She was helpless. Too small to do anything. He was overpowering. She was not on Oliver’s couch anymore. She was with him. She was stranded in the cold. She was walking in the dark. She was alone.

            She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe. Everything was turning. It was all a blur of Logan and glimpses of Oliver right in front of her. She could barely see him though, it was all Logan. Logan was pulling her back to him. She can’t escape. She can’t breathe. Where is Oliver? He was supposed to help her. She can’t breathe. She was about to vomit she could feel it. It was in her throat, waiting to come out. She can’t breathe.

            Oliver didn’t know what to do. She was crying, hyperventilating, trying to get away from Oliver. He was trying to calm her down but he didn’t know what to do. Every time he touched her, it made it worse. How was he supposed to help her? What the fuck was even going on? Should he call 911? He knew he shouldn’t have asked about anything. He did this to her. He made her go fucking crazy and he doesn’t know how to stop it. She was crying for him to stop. For him to help her. How does he help her?

            “Jude?!” They were both standing up now. He was holding her still by the shoulders, even though she was still trying to fight to get herself away. “Jude! Stop!”

            He just kept holding her a still as possible. He thought he heard he say ‘Logan’ as she was fighting to get away. It clicked in his brain. She was having a panic attack. Oh, fuck. What did Logan fucking do to her? “Jude! It’s just me! It’s Oliver! Look at me, Jude!” She was starting to loosen up in his hold. “Jude! Calm down, okay. It’s just me. There’s no one else here. It’s just us. You’re okay. I promise.”

            Slowly, she was coming back to her senses. Tears were still running down her face but her breathing slowed and she actually looked at Oliver. They made eye contact; her eyes were filled with fear, his with concern. She looked around the apartment, realizing she was still at Oliver’s with him. She was safe. She put her hands onto Oliver’s, who’s were still on her shoulders, before completely breaking down.

            “I’m so s-sorry,” the tears picked up as Oliver pulled her closer into a hug. He held her as she cried and shook, apologizing for freaking out and for being a terrible person and every other little thing she could think about apologizing for.

            He held her nonetheless, telling her it was okay, that she was okay. They stayed like that for a while, until Jude was okay enough to let go.


	10. invitations / both

            “So, you don’t remember anything after he gave you that drink?” Oliver sat across from Jude on the living room floor, trying to make sense of the words coming out of her mouth but she was shaky and all over the place.

            “I-I’m not really sure…” she was still hesitating to talk about what happened, “It felt like… like I was asleep… but awake at the same time.” She picked at the skin around her nails, “The only thing I know for sure is he gave me a drink and I woke up on some bench five miles away.”

            “Oh my god…” He muttered, still partially in shock that Logan could’ve actually done this to her. “Does anyone else- does your mom- know?”

            Jude shook her head quickly, looking Oliver in the eyes, “We can’t tell my mom! I can’t have her- she can’t know about this…” She looked back down to her lap, “I don’t want her to think I’m like aunt Whitney…”

            “No. You’re not- You’re not my mom,” He reached out and grabbed her hand, “I promise.” But more tears slip down her cheeks. She hated crying in front of people but she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

            “I don’t want to end up like her…” She spoke slow, as if what she was saying would hurt Oliver. It doesn’t hurt him though, not anymore at least. Jude couldn’t end up like her, he won’t allow it.

            He makes her swear that she won’t ever start shooting up. Swear that she won’t ever try to leave him and Aunt Caroline like his mom did. She feels like she should tell him about the pills, but doesn’t know how to say it. It’s probably not the right time to bring that up anyway. He was so focused on figuring out what happened with Logan he probably couldn’t even deal with her pill addiction as well. She decides to bring up Amber instead.

            “Amber tried to- When I was at her house she…” Jude makes a motion with her hands, that Oliver interpreted to be probably making a move or something of the sort. “I didn’t know what to do… T-That’s why I called you…”

            “What did you do?” that makes sense as to why she would want to be picked up but when he saw the two of them on the porch outside Amber’s house, things seemed good between the two. “Like how did you… get out of… it?”

            “I just kinda… ran off, I guess? I went to the bathroom and called you,” she was back to picking at the skin on her nails. “Anyway, we ended up talking and apparently she thought I was into girls or something?”

            “Well, are you?”

            “What?” Jude was taken aback by the question.

            “Into girls?” he thought the question was obvious. He always thought there was a chance she would be. Him and aunt Caroline even talked about it once, she thinks the same thing.

            “What? No? I- No.”

            “Oh…” well that was awkward.

 

\---

 

            They ended up on the couch just a short time after Oliver asked Jude if she was gay. The conversation took quite an unexpected turn, for him at least. He decided it might be best to just turn on the TV now. Maybe they needed a break from talking.

            Jude didn’t want to continue reading; She didn’t want to do anything. She almost felt physically drained from the last few hours. She checked the time on her phone, _11:43._ Shit, she was late. No use going back to her house anyway; her mom was probably already asleep but she’s going to get in trouble regardless for staying out past eleven- no matter how late past that she was gone.  She’s getting in trouble just like she did after her night with Logan. Just the thought of that sends shivers down her spine.

            “You good?” Oliver noticed her give a slight shake and the serious look on her face.

            “Yeah. Fine,” she gave a small smile. There was still some tension from the previous conversation but they were both doing their best to ignore it.

            Oliver hummed. “So… I take it you smoke? Pot, I mean.” He mentally face palmed. Obviously, she smoked cigs, why would he question something he knew she already did.

But Jude just gave a light snicker, only glancing at him and raising her brows. “A little…” She shrugged, “Why?”

“No reason… just curious,” Oliver didn’t know if he should really be offering to smoke with his, basically sister, younger cousin. What would aunt Caroline think?

Jude turned to face him fully, “Do you want to smoke?”

“Yeah, then get murdered by your mom… No thanks,” He laughed a bit, grabbing the TV remote, scrolling through the channels.

“Oli. I literally smoke in the house… I honestly don’t think she knows or cares.”

“You smoke in the house?!” Jude didn’t understand why he was so surprised.

“I mean yeah but I don’t think she can even smell it so it’s fine,” she was trying to brush it off like she wasn’t doing drugs in her bathroom almost every night.

“Listen… I don’t have a problem with you smoking but… just not in the house okay?” He took a bit of a serious tone. Jude wondered if it had something to do with his mom. Probably.

“Yeah. Fine, whatever. I won’t.” Oliver just gave her a look, but Jude put her hands up in protest. “I said I won’t! I swear!”

“Well I guess since that’s out of the way,” Oliver’s light mood reappeared as he stood up from his spot on the couch. “Let’s go!” 

 

\---

 

            Oliver was surprised by how familiar Jude was with smoking. She knew exactly what to do. In a way, that scared him. _I bet my mom knew, too._ But with another hit, the thought was gone. As he passed the pipe back over to Jude, her phone buzzed. All he could see was the way she was smiling at her phone.

            “Who is it?” Oliver took the pipe back even though she didn’t take a hit. He doesn’t think she noticed though; she was too focused on her phone.

            Jude shook her head, “Amber… She asked me if I wanted to hang out on Monday!” She handed him her phone with a Messenger request on it.

_Message request from Amber Pearson: Hey Jude? Maybe we can hang out Monday. There’s this cool café close to the school I go to sometimes if you want to come too._

            “So, are you gonna go?” he handed her the pipe and phone. She grabbed the pipe first and sat her phone on the counter, taking a hit before replying.

            “I don’t know… Do you think I should?”

            “I mean if you like her…”

            Jude cut him off, “I _don’t_ like her.”

            “Not even as a friend?” Jude thought he meant the other like. Jude wasn’t sure if she really wanted to be Amber’s friend though. Sure, she was nice, but she was also friends with the girls, more specifically Riley. Jude didn’t know if she could trust someone who was close to Riley.

            “I- Maybe?”

            “What? Maybe?” Oliver has never understood why girls are so confusing. “Just go hang out with her… maybe you’ll have fun?”

            Jude still seemed hesitant, “Ehh… If I go and it’s super shitty, you owe me.”

            “Okay deal… I bet you’ll have a great time,” Oliver took one last hit. “You gotta tell me all about it afterwards, Okay?”

            “Oh fine,” Jude dragged out the e in ‘fine’ and gave Oliver a smile. A real smile, too.


	11. going home

            Jude woke up to the sound of her phone vibrating against the nightstand. Groggily, she looked around, confused as to where she ended up sleeping before remembering she stayed at Oliver’s. Throwing her arm around to grab her phone, she saw the word _Mother_ across the screen but the word disappeared before she could answer the phone. Shit. It was almost ten already which means her mom probably woke up and checked her room. Fuck. Her phone displayed an array of texts and missed calls from her.

            _‘One missed call from_ Mother _’_

            _Where are you???_

_Get home right now!_

_‘Three missed calls from_ Mother _’_

_I swear to god Jude if you don’t answer this phone_

_‘Two missed calls from_ Mother _’_

            Jude was in deep shit. She just hoped her mom didn’t find anything in her room if she decided to look around. Most of her stuff seemed to be hidden fairly well so she tried not to worry but it was fucking hard. She opened her phone and texted her mom.

            _Stayed at Oliver’s. Be home soon._

She turned her phone all the way off after that.

            “Oli?” Jude found him on the couch in the living room. “Oliver… I need a ride home.” She was trying to be a little bit quiet and gentle but she also needed to get home as soon as possible. He seemed to be stirring but he definitely wasn’t awake by any means.

“Oliver!” Jude was a bit louder now, shaking his shoulders. She could hear a small grumble of a response and he flipped over on his other side, now facing away from her. “Wake up! I need a ride!”

“Wha time s’it?”

“It’s ten. Now get up! I gotta go, my mom’s gonna kill me!” She wasn’t worried about being quiet anymore. His eyes snapped open at the mention of her mom.

“You didn’t tell your mom you were here?!” He was trying to sit up now. They both knew how strict she was about missing curfew, and he knew how hard she was on Jude in general. But Jude not only missed curfew, she didn’t come home at all, and didn’t tell her mom where she was at.

“I don’t know… I guess I forgot! Come on! I need to get home!” Jude was heading toward the door, grabbing Oliver’s car keys.

“Wait! Jude your leg!” He yelled as she had her hand on the doorknob. She stopped and looked down at the shorts she was still wearing from the night before. Her cuts were still just as visible and there was no way for her to avoid her mom for long enough to change when she got home.

“Shit! What do I do?”

“Hold on, I think I might have some of Hanna’s sweats…” he headed into his room, rummaging through his drawers.

“Who the fuck is Hanna?” Jude followed him into his room as he pulled out a pair of dark purple Nike joggers that were obviously going to be big on her. Better big than small, she thought.

“No one… Just put these on and we’ll leave,” He threw the pants at her.

 

            Oliver drove as fast as he could, trying to get Jude to her house as soon as humanly possible. He wondered if he should go in with Jude and try and help her but he didn’t know if it would just make it worse.

            Jude smoked three cigs while on her way back, she was so nervous. They both have gotten in trouble for coming home late (and the consequences were always bad) but neither of them have ever not come home. Even Oliver was nervous for her at this point.

            “Do you want me to go in with you?” Oliver put the car in park but didn’t move the key.

            “No… it should be… fine,” She let out a heavy sigh, getting out of the car and walking towards her house.

            “If you need anything!” He shouted out of his window, backing out of the driveway.

            Jude entered through the side door, into the kitchen, to see her mom sitting at the table with an empty glass in front of her. On the counter, her wine was already open, and almost empty. It was 10:45.

            “Finally decided to show up,” Her mom, Caroline, slurred waving her glass for Jude to get her another drink.

            “Mom… Are you _drunk_?” Jude’s jaw was on the floor. She knew her mom had a drinking problem but she has never been drunk this early in the day. It wasn’t even noon for fuck sake.

            “It’s Saturday,” Caroline waved her hand in dismissal. She extended the glass in her hand toward Jude, “Would you mind?”

            “Yes, I would mind!” she walked over, grabbing the glass and putting it in the sink. “This is ridiculous…” she muttered.

            “Excuse you?” Her mom was standing now. Her hand on the wine bottle.

            “I said…” Jude hesitated. She knew she was already in trouble but her mom was out of control. “This is fucking ridiculous.”

            “No! What’s fucking ridiculous-” she was doing air quotes, half mocking what Jude said, “-is the fact that you didn’t come home last night! The least you could’ve done was text me… but I guess you’re too incompetent to do that as well!” She slammed her free hand on the countertop, “How the fuck am I supposed to know what you’re doing if I don’t know where you are! Or who you’re with!”

            “Maybe that’s the point,” Jude didn’t even think before the words came out of her mouth. She knows how much Aunt Whitney used to sneak around without telling their parents and look what happened to her. Shit. She shouldn’t have said that.

            “Give me your phone,”

            “ _What_?” Jude’s grip tightened around her phone.

            “Give me your fucking phone!” Caroline started towards Jude, trying to force the phone out of her hand.

            “What the fuck! Stop!” They were almost wrestling now. It probably didn’t help Jude that her mom was still bigger than her. Caroline nearly slammed Jude into the corner of the counter but ended up snatching the phone and pushing Jude down instead, her head narrowly missing the edge.

            Caroline let out a sigh of achievement, “Oh, and by the way… I called Riley’s mom,” Jude’s breath hitched in her throat at the sound of Riley’s name, “she said she hasn’t seen you around in almost a year! So, this,” She waved Jude’s phone in the air, “Gone. And you’re gonna be telling me what you’ve really been up to.” 

            Jude stood up, shaking her head before picking up her backpack and moving towards the door to the stairs, “You’re acting just like dad…” She whispered.

            “You bitch!” There was a large crash and deep purple liquid splashed on the wall right next to Jude’s head. She turned around, horrified to see the wine bottle missing from her mother’s hand and shards of glass at her feet. Looking Caroline in the eye, she saw no emotion; almost like she wasn’t even aware she could’ve killed her daughter. Jude bolted down the stairs, locking all the doors between her and her mom and heading straight for her bathroom.

            Her whole body was shaking uncontrollably. What if the bottle had hit her? Oh my god her mom almost killed her. She wanted to do nothing more than call Oliver but her phone was with her mom. She had no way of getting out of here. She was stuck here, then she would be stuck at school. Here and school and here and school and here. It was hopeless. She was hopeless.

            She inched towards the medicine cabinet. Pulling open the door, she counted all the pill bottles in the small space. 23. Some of them were the same. She always likes having more than one bottle of ibuprofen and codeine. There were so many options now, it was almost too hard to choose. God, it was making her sick looking at all of them. She could feel vomit working its way up her throat.

            It burned considering she hadn’t had anything to actually eat in over a day, other than the small bowl of ice cream at Oliver’s. The only thing seeping through her lips was stomach acid and small quivers of pain. She has always hated dry heaving. Throwing up was no problem but this was so much worse. It hurt inside and out. Her entire body was shaking, she didn’t know how to stop it.

            She pushed herself off the ground with the help of the toilet, keeping her hands on the counter so she didn’t collapse. She grabbed two Xanax and three Benadryl. All she wanted to do right now was sleep. She threw the pills back and returned to her spot on the floor with her back against the bathtub.


	12. first pills / jude

[one year ago]

            It was completely silent in the house.

That was normal now since Oliver had moved out. It was back to just Jude and her mom.

The only thing Jude could hear as she was walking up the stairs was the sound of the creaking wood beneath her feet. She crept into the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible to not wake her mom. When she finally reached the cabinet she was looking for, she hesitated. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to grab. What did they even have anyway?

Opening the small door, she used her phone flashlight to look for anything that might help her. There were two bottles of ibuprofen, she grabbed only one, and Benadryl. The next shelf held her mom’s prescriptions. She knew her mom took Xanax so she only grabbed a few of those and put into the ibuprofen bottle. Shuffling through the other bottles, she found some of Oliver’s Adderall that he must’ve forgotten. On the very top shelf, in the back, there were two bottles next to each other. She pulled both of them out, reading the labels. Oxycodone and Codeine. She wasn’t sure what either of them were but since they were on the back shelf, she knew they must be either dangerous or important. She grabbed five of each, placing the bottles back in the same places and heading off to her room.

Once she was back in the safety of her room, she didn’t have to worry about being as quiet. She flipped on the light of the bathroom off her room, laying the pills out on the counter. She knew what Benadryl, ibuprofen and Xanax were but Codeine and Oxycodone were things she had never heard of before. Part of her wanted to look it up so she knew what she was taking but another part of her just wanted to say fuck it and take them all. But she didn’t do either of those things, taking a few ibuprofens in her hand paired with three Benadryl and a Xanax.

Her hand shook, she had never done anything like this before. She didn’t know what pills felt like in her system. She just wanted to feel something. Anything. It almost hurt more to feel nothing. But she was tired of being numb. Maybe she wasn’t numb. Maybe she just felt so much it made her numb.

Her head was starting to hurt because she was thinking too much. She wondered what the girls would think of her if they knew what she was doing. They would probably tell her to take more. She didn’t want to think about them but it was hard not to when she had this many pills in front of her.

She tried to shake the thoughts, pushing the other pills further down on the counter, placing the ones in her hand down and lining them up by what they were. She decided it might be easier to take them one at a time. Starting with the ibuprofen, which she has had many times before.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

She couldn’t tell if her hands were shaking more or less. The knot in her stomach was growing larger the more she looked at the remaining pills on the counter. She doesn’t want to die. What if she dies? Everything was suddenly very clear and sharp. Her senses were on high alert. She doesn’t want to die. Maybe if she takes the Xanax she will calm down. What if it kills her? How many pills does it take to die? What if her liver collapses from the ibuprofen. Oh no, oh god.

The room was suddenly very hot and her head was spinning. She was too young to die. Trying to keep her balance, she grabbed onto the counter and ran cold water out of the faucet, splashing the water on her face. _Okay. It’s okay. You won’t die. It’s okay_. She was repeating to herself.

Before she could even think about what she was doing, she grabbed the Xanax and swallowed it. _Okay just breathe. You’re okay. You’re okay. It’s okay. You’re not dying._ Slowly, she reached for a Benadryl, then another, and the last. Before she knew it, her eyes were heavy and she was craving the feeling of her bed beneath her skin.

 


	13. his mom / oliver

            It was one a.m. His mom still hasn’t come home yet from when she left for work at five yesterday morning. Oliver laid in his bed with his lights off, staring at the ceiling, occasionally sitting up to take large swigs from the full vodka bottle on his nightstand. He knew his mom would be gone. She always is. But this was the first time since rehab. Since she got that new job. Things seemed okay. She seemed okay.

            He wondered what went wrong. He was trying his best to be a good son, to be supportive and patient. What did he do wrong? Another swig. She was in rehab for two weeks. It seemed to be a good place, or at least that’s what Aunt Caroline said. But it only took his mom a week back at home before she relapsed again.

            Goddamn, he was such a shitty son. He was so unbearable his mom couldn’t even stay clean for him. She had to constantly stay sedated to even try to be a good mother to him. Why was he so terrible? Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

            He promised himself if she wasn’t back by tomorrow morning, he would call Aunt Caroline. She’ll be disappointed, but at least the surprise factor is gone. It was always heartbreaking the first few times he had to call. She was so distraught every time, with the same amount of shock from the first. After a few months went by it stopped becoming so surprising that his mom would leave him at home alone for days at a time. At least now he was old enough to take care of himself, if you count fourteen as being old enough. It was way more upsetting when he was young.

            His mind kept drifting and eyes kept sagging the more he drank. He wanted to sleep for a long time, and he wanted his mom to be a normal mom. He wanted to live in a real house with a real family. He could see it when he closed his eyes, he was there and it was so nice and warm and happy. But he always had to open his eyes. His stupid eyes that made him see what was in front of him. That made him see the room he slept in and the apartment he lived in. If you could call this living.

It was nearing two a.m. and he was ready to sleep, but only if he had his way, he wouldn’t wake up. He felt himself near the unconscious state of mind, when he heard the creaking of the front door, immediately followed by the sounds of a body stumbling through the door and hitting the counter next to it. Shit. She’s home. The footsteps were loud and the sounds of her body loosely slamming into furniture and walls was even louder. She was fucking trashed. He could tell before he even saw her.

Getting up, he turned on his bedroom light to adjust his eyes before walking into the living room and kitchen area and flipping on the lights, revealing his mother. She looked small, so fucking small. With a way oversized sweatshirt and shorts that showed her almost anorexic legs. When he sees the sweatshirt, he knows exactly where she’s been. It’s 85 fucking degrees outside, no one should have a sweatshirt on.

“Where have you been?” He probably was a bit too sharp, but quite frankly, he was done with the bullshit. He was tired of being nice.

“Not right now Oli,” She puts her hands over her eyes, rubbing hard before pulling down on her face, “I’m just a bit tired… I’m gonna go lay down.”

She tries walking out of the room but he moves to block the doorway into her room, “Pull up your sleeves.”

“Oli, honey, I said I’m tired,” She looked down, leaning back on the wall to support her weight. She looked at anything but him.

“Mom,” He wish he didn’t have to be like this. He wishes his mom would just be like everyone else’s mom. He wishes she was more like her sister. “Show me your arm.”

She rolled up her right sleeve slowly. There was nothing there, but Oliver could’ve told you that before. His mom is right handed. You can’t shoot up your right arm with your right hand. “Your other arm.”

She began moving closer to him, trying to get into her room, “Let me go to sleep, Oliver!” She was getting louder now. Maybe she was coming down. But he didn’t move. He had to see her arm. He had to know where she was. He already knew that’s where but he wanted to see. He wanted to be sure.

She was trying hard to push him and hit him out of the way but he outgrew her sometime last year. She was so small compared to him. Her hits didn’t even hurt him anymore. He grabbed her left arm as she was trying to punch his shoulder, holding her as still as possible without hurting her and rolled up her sleeve. There were new bruises with small red dots and swollen veins. Of fucking course. It’s not like this was anything more or less than what he was expecting.

He dropped her arm in disgust and moved from the doorway, walking straight to his room, shutting the door and turning off the light. He said nothing else to his mother and she said nothing else to him. He laid in his bed for the rest of the morning, drinking. Until he finally passed out at nearly five a.m.


End file.
